There is no such thing as 'too late' in life.

Recently, I've come to realize that maybe my unhappiness is my own fault. When I lose someone close to me, it's the end of the world because I've become so dependent on people. So when they leave, I don't have much left. Friendships in my past have more emotionally draining and dramatic for me because I cannot just move on. I have to analyze and think everything out and try to see where it all went to shit. While going through this analyzing process, I seem to shut myself off to other people because I'm more sensitive then ever at this point; and I can't deal with other people. So I'm alone and wondering, "Why the hell am I alone?" Well, I've figured it out. I shut my self off from people who could potentially be there for me. Life is too hard and too sad to be alone; because you start out life with this clean slate. That's where you begin to make your mark. You face decisions, make choices. You keep moving forward. & sooner or later, there comes a time where you look back over where you have been and wonder who you really are. When really; Life isn't supposed to be an all-or-nothing battle between misery and bliss. Life isn't supposed to be a battle at all. 'cause sometimes life is just okay, sometimes it's comfortable, sometimes amazing, sometimes boring, sometimes unpleasant. When your day's not perfect, it's not a failure or a terrible loss. It's just another day.

"Time stands still when no one understands you and you don't quite understand yourself. Today didn't have to be this way, tomorrow is another day, another chance to make things right."

We have to learn to deal with all the things that life throws at us on our own because if we become too dependent on one another--we will not be able to handle the things when someone is not there for us to lean on. & sometimes; people are too wrapped up with egotistical things that they don't want to take the time out of their life to help you with yours.

Anyways; I was thinking the other day--as I was talking to a good friend of mine, Emily Ranagan; we were discussing some issues that we face, as teenagers I guess. & I know that sometimes I feel like I don't want to talk to anyone. The feeling makes it so hard to even smile, and it gets so irritating because you don't even want to fake being happy anymore. But at the same time, you don't know exactly what is wrong either. There isn't a way to explain a lot of the feelings you get, especially to someone already doesn't understand. Like; if you could have anything in the world at that moment, it would be to be alone because at least when you're alone, no one constantly asks you what is wrong and there isn't anyone who wont take 'I don't know' for an answer. It's like you feel the way you do just BECAUSE. & you hope the feeling will pass soon and that you will be able to be yourself again, but until then all you can do is wait.. & it all comes back to:

"Time stands still when no one understands you and you don't quite understand yourself. Today didn't have to be this way, tomorrow is another day, another chance to make things right."