If only you knew...

I'm too depressed to blog tonight...
But I will because I need someone to talk to and let out my emotions?
Welll, for starters --I hate every single decision I make and every thing I do. Nothing seems to come out right.
Tonight I was told I have a really bad reputation... thats obviously something you wouldn't want me to hear, ey? I sure didn't like it. The term "bad reputation" has the definition of B.B. (initials) So to be compared to someone like that, it kind of feels like a huge punch in the gut.

But that's besides the point. I'm more depressed about this dumb situation I just happen to be in. Or maybe its not even a situation? Maybe I'm only making it into a situation.. I don't know.
I've also recently realized that I don't know anything.
I thoughtttt something could happen between us.. but it won't. It never will. What was I thinking wasting my time on trying&trying&trying. But maybe its just me. Maybe this is much too exaggerated in my head?
Half the time its amazing. I can see that your trying; can't you see I'm trying too? Trying too hard & getting no where with it. Getting no reward for all this effort I'm putting forward.
If only you knew.. if only you knew that your the reason for the smile on my face when I'm around you; the smile on my face when I constantly think about you. You invade every thought of mine & its all means nothing.
Nothing...

Silly me :///