It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes.

Woa, it has been a while since I've blogged, ey? Too long-- I don't even know what to write about, it's so much. For starters; I just got back from my trip to North Carolina. It went by way too fast. The drive alone was way way way too long. About 16 hours to be exact; crazy, isn't it? Well--I got dropped off at my best?friend Erin's house.... uh oh!

Everyone knows that Erin's house leads to no good. I'm just gunna let you guys in on some things that's happened there in the past. In 6th grade; I was a good girl. Clueless about the world, shy, kept to myself, anti-social more than anything. I didn't like people. Then Erin came along, and I changed. I was way more outgoing, and I knew who I was--it was great. We became queen bitches of the entire school. No lie--&it was middle school, so it wasn't much. But Erin was my bestfriend. We were always together, causing trouble, walking around, doing whatever. Everyone loved us. I would go to Erin's everyday before school, and I'd go home with her after school. I'd stay the night practically all the time. I pretty much lived there. If you didn't know any better, you'd think we were sisters. Well anyway--while growing out of my shell, I learned a lot about the world. I didn't like it. I became depressed. I started cutting myself--& when my parents found out, I snuck out to meet up with Erin because I was so upset. Well, because I was always at Erin's; we did a lot of stuff together. Not necessarily good things either. The first time I had a cigarette was at Erin's. The first time I drank--at Erin's. The first time I smoked weed--also Erin's. As you can tell--I started making bad choices with her. We both were learning and experiencing these things together. So you can only imagine what it's like today--right?

Hmm. So I stayed at Erin's for two days, one night. I get there, and we just hang out for a while (it was early) and she calls up some people to come hang. Then some random people just start showing up (that she didn't call) and we're all hanging out. And of course--every one of them smokes... not good for me because I quit in February. I've been smoking since 6th grade; and I finally quit... I'll explain why exactly I quit:

In February, I was hanging out with my friend Autumn and we wanted to smoke a little weed. So we're trying to get a hold of her brother to come bring us some and what not. Well, he didn't have any and he came down anyway. He told us about cold & flu pills; or whatever they were called. & this was the first time I'd taken any type of pill to get high... Bad idea. So we took 6 or 7 each; then the next day, I took 7 with Autumn (as we're both dying our hair... also bad idea) And then the next morning, before school--we each took 9 :O! Which was probably the worst idea of all because I fell, a lot, during school. & obviously--I got caught. I don't remember much, but they took me to the hospitol. Apparently I was doing really bad. They wanted to pump my stomach because it was very very unhealthy and bad for me, but it was too far into my system. They told me I would have had a high chance of death if I had taken one more... That scare the shxt out of me. I was so completely upset with myself and all my bad decisions. That "near death" experience is what made me change a lot of bad things about myself. I decided to quit smoking. So I did. And well--it was kind of pointless because now I know that it was complete bullshit about me almost dying. I would not have died. But I was still happy I quit. It was a huge step for me. And going to Erins... I was able to fight it for most of the time I was there. :'/

I'm sorry.



THEN I WENT TO MY GIRLFRIEND, CASEY'S :D
Yayyy--I had a lot of fun with her. It was great. Even though I did not get much accomplished.. :/ No tattoo, no hair got done. Hm. I saw Lyndsay--& that's about it for the outsiders. I met a really kickass woman named Jamie. She's amazing. We have so much in common (: and her 7 month old baby is the cutest baby in the entire world. I wanted to just take her back to Vermont and keep her forever (: But other than that; it was amazing seeing my girlfriend and spending time with her. I miss her very dearly...

:'/