Okay, so you wouldn't even begin to understand my life right now. So much is going on, so much has gone on, and so much will go on. I don't comprehend how I'm even handling this right now.
My counselor agrees with me. I have a problem. A sex-addiction problem. I'm no whore, or anything--but I can't help but always feel that I need someone there. And I guess I feel that having sex is the only way to keep a guy interested. So right now, there's 1,2,3,4,5,6, ish guys that I'm dragging alone. I mean, it's obviously not fair to them--what I'm doing, I mean. But you have to understand where I'm coming from. I've been hurt way too many times and I can't stand being alone. I need someone. And then when I have that one person, they leave. And so now I have many. Too many. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't want to be this way.
Add to the fact that I cannot seem to get over this one guy. I'll tell you who. Jordan. I don't understand. Our only common ground is the fact that we had sex; but ...I can't seem to help that I get jealous. I like him. A lot. I don't want to. I will never, ever, ever be with him. But ...I want him. And my best friend, well he's trying to get with her, and now; she's not my best friend anymore. I guess it bothers me more that he has a girlfriend. The girl he left me for. Twice. And ..yet he's still trying to get with other girls. And they fall for it. Because that's just the type of guy he is. And I still, I fucking still fall for it. I don't want anything to do with him, but at the same time, I want everything to do with him. Why can't you just leave and never come back.
Better yet. I leave, and never come back to this whole damn town. Whole damn state. Whole damn New England. Because I'm sick of it. I'm sick of the people. Everything. I'm done. It makes me sick to think that I have to deal with this place. I'm getting out of here as soon as possible.
(I'll probably explain, in depth, everything another time; but right now, I'm too busy, and not enough time. I haven't written on here in so long. You, my dear internet, would know all about my life. But soccer season is over, and now I'm stressing about this whole drama play going on. We'll see how everything works out.)
We'll see...
Until next time; when I have more time,
I love you,
Julie < 3
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